American Idol Audition 1 Episode

Tonight the spectacle began all over again, American Idol returned. Now I am not one to normally enjoy these reality competitions, but the audition round of American Idol are quite an entertaining distraction from the troubles of the day. We began the show with a montage looking back at the past seasons of American Idol. I like to call this montage the Humiliation Montage. I call it such because mixed in with the tears of American Idol winners were the worst of the worst contestants and the most awkward situations shown. Following the montage we were treated to Ryan Seacrest standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and sadly he did not fall. We also were introduced to a new judge tonight, Kara DioGuardi, and I wish her well. I hope she can stay away from the horse tranquilizers unlike another certain childish butterfly themed jewelry wearing judge. She seems like she will make a good replacement for Paula once the latter forgets how to open a door and becomes locked in her bedroom.

Now lets talk about the worst auditions first, get them out of the way.

• Tuan Nguyen, an afro'd asian who can tap like a paraplegic on the moon (i.e not well).
  
• Randy Madden, an almost 30 year old office employee who needs to grow a pair before attempting to live up to the rocker style he wears.
  
• Michael Gurr, the small creepy boy with the voice of a magical gnome, a voice so irresistible he gets a second song request.
  
• Andre "Xray" Caraway who dances more than he sings and spouts a personal new favorite catchphrase, "Swingadigadoo".
  

Next lets talk about the best auditions (in my opinion of course).

• Emily Hughes, the rocker chick who has to choose between this big break and her band.
  
• Arianna Afsar, a very charitable child who is part of an organization that brings happiness to the elderly. Stevie Wright, the girl named after Stevie Knicks.
  
• The blind man Scott McIntyre, the obligatory sob story of the season.
  

Some of you may be thinking now, "Hey DW, you are forgetting a lot!" and you are right, so lets now learn about the most memorable. Not necessarily good or bad, just ones you cant forget.

• First we have Lea Marie Golde, Kara's super-fan. She was a nice girl, couldn't sing very well, but the fact that she has written over 100 songs in her short life is quite amazing.
  
• Then we have the nerdy Alex Wagner-Trugman who used to sing in a mold filled closet, which caused the judges to get a little confused with 'closets' and 'coming out'.
  
• And you cannot forget the creepy gothy guy, Cody Sheldon, the pale, weird, horror movie making child who apparently won over the judges (which was a good idea since if he lost he probably would kill someone).
  

Last and not least, the Bikini Girl, Katrina Darrell. Oh. My. God. Are you serious? They let her in the fucking door like that? One slip and her vajayjay would be shown to thousands of people in the auditioning location. And I am ashamed of you Randy and Simon, you know very well her voice sucked and no clothes did not help. In my opinion, Kara had every right to be bitchy at this and Ms. Darrell. I wish however that Kara and Bikini Girl were allowed to fight each other, claws out, hair pulling, the whole thing. Would be great.